Matthew 18:15-17
15 “If your brother sins against you,[d] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[e] 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
There’s an order and a plan to these instructions.
First, if someone sins against you, deal with it. Don’t ignore the sin.
Next, deal with it by going to that person just between the two of you. This is important. Of what use is bringing in other parties at this point? It causes the sinner to become defensive, and causes the wronged person to have an opportunity for gossip or slander against the sinner.
But also important: before you talk about the sin with other people, get it out in the open with the other person. Maybe they don’t even realize that they’ve offended you or sinned against you. Before condemning them in front of other people, you’d better make sure that what you think happened really did happen.
Then, if this step doesn’t bring about a dialog with the other person, share your concerns with one or two other people and collectively confront. If this also fails, bring it to the church.
I think it’s quite interesting that this follows Jesus talking about humbling oneself and then looking for the lost sheep that have wandered off. Going to somebody to confront them about sin, even when done in love, requires a great deal of humility. When you do that it opens you up to being a target for their critique of your life. If you aren’t prepared to grant the same measure of grace to their situation that you wish they grant you you, how can the confronted one take your seriously?
And also, as regards to the lost sheep, I think too often we find it easier to just watch people wander off in their sin and think they should know better so let them end up getting what they deserve. But the heart of Jesus is that none of His sheep should be lost. While we were yet sinners He died for us, freeing us from facing what we really deserve. Can we really claim to be His follower if we don’t even attempt to win our brother back?
And it all plays out in the context of relationship. The core of which is one on one between each of us and God. Then one on one as each member of the body relates to one another in a manner that follows Christ’s example.